


We're broken people

by Area50Dun



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Heartbreak, M/M, Sad, Songfic, josh dun - Freeform, joshler - Freeform, tyler joseph - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-11-10
Packaged: 2018-08-29 13:06:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8490889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Area50Dun/pseuds/Area50Dun
Summary: http://youtu.be/BiQIc7fG9pAA year had passed since Josh had seen Tyler. Since those words had left Tyler's mouth and Josh's world crumbled. "There's someone else.." Josh played the words in his head on loop.





	1. I love you I hate you

**Author's Note:**

> Based from this song. A sad little fic with a (sort of) happy ending. Please comment and let me know what you think.
> 
> The lyrics are marked //
> 
> Some if the lyric are are speech and marked //"

//Feeling used  
But I'm Still missing you  
And I can't see the end of this//

Josh got up out of bed. He was tired, slow movements and feeling like he was walking through a black cloud. His eyes fell on the pillow next to his. Unused. He quickly looked away, busying himself with straightening out the quilt and smoothing away the creases. 

The house was too quiet. Josh sat and and drank his coffee in the silence and he tried desperately not to think of Tyler. 

//Just wanna feel your kiss  
Against my lips  
And now all this time  
Is passing by//

A year had passed since Josh had seen Tyler. Since those words had left Tyler's mouth and Josh's world crumbled. "There's someone else.." Josh played the words in his head on loop. He tried so many times to try and pinpoint where they had gone wrong, tried to remember if he had said something or acted in a certain way that may have triggered Tyler to feel differently about him. Something made him cheat, made him fall out of love with him. 

Josh felt angry. Tyler had left him and from what Josh heard, he was living a nice life with some girl. Mary or Marie, Josh tried to recall her name but he didn't care. It hurt to think of her, but Josh knew it wasn't about her. It was Tyler who hurt him, who made him hate himself. 

//I hate you, I love you,  
I hate that I want you  
You want her, you need her  
And I'll never be her//

Josh's phone rang, waking him up. It was 3am and Josh quickly answered, worrying. "Hello?" There was a silence on the other end but Josh could hear tiny breathes. "Hello?" He said again as he sat up, his back on the cold headboard. "Josh." Josh's blood ran cold at the small voice. It was so quiet Josh was unsure if he had imagined it. "No-" Josh squeaked, his eyes prickling. "Josh I miss you so much." Tyler breathed and Josh could hear the tears in his voice. 

Josh hung up and threw his phone. He pulled his knees up to his chest, gripping fistfuls of quilt and cried, a small scream filling his bedroom. 

Josh's phone had four missed calls when he picked it up the next morning. It also had a cracked screen and his home button didn't work. Josh cursed. His finger hovered over the voicemail notification. He didn't want to listen, wanted to forget Tyler ever existed. He pressed it and held the phone to his ear. 

//"I miss you when I can't sleep  
Or right after coffee  
Or right when I can't eat  
I miss you in my front seat  
Still got sand in my sweaters  
From nights we don't remember  
Do you miss me like I miss you?"//

Josh's hands were trembling. He put his phone down and stared at the wall. He couldn't work out why Tyler was doing this after all this time. After all, it was him that left, him that cheated. It was Tyler who decided Josh wasn't good enough. He cried again. 

Josh searched his contact list. After Tyler left, Josh lost contact with most of his friends. They were mostly Tyler's friends and now Josh needed answers. Josh sent some texts, asking about Tyler. He ached all over from the the lack of sleep and the emotions. He didn't get any replies. 

Later that night there was a knock on his door. Josh put his beer down to answer it and almost threw up. "Hey," Tyler said his brow furrowing. Josh froze so Tyler let himself in, walking straight past him. "We need to talk." Tyler told him once Josh had shut the door. "No we don't Tyler." Josh said, feeling hurt and angry. This wasn't happening. "You don't get to do this, you hurt me too much" Tyler looked at the floor. "I loved you s-so much-" Josh felt himself loose it, tears running down his face. 

//"I don't mean no harm  
I just miss you on my arm"// 

Tyler took at step forward, his eyes on Josh. "You look so tired." He whispered. Josh stepped back, rage filling him. "Because I can't sleep Tyler!" He raised his voice and the smell of alcohol on himself sickened him. "I hate you-" Josh mumbled, not looking at Tyler. "Josh please just listen to me, I'm sorry, I never meant-"

//"You said you wouldn't and you fucking did  
Lie to me, lie with me, get your fucking fix  
Now all my drinks and all my feelings are all fucking mixed"// 

Josh shouted, he needed Tyler to leave, he needed Tyler to had never of existed. He needed Tyler. 

//"When love and trust are gone  
I guess this is moving on  
Everyone I do right does me wrong  
So every lonely night, I sing this song"// 

Josh's voice was nothing but a small sound lost in tears. Tyler moved forwards and Josh was wrapped in his arms. He held on to Tyler tight and Tyler held him just as much. "Josh you're so special to me. I'm sorry, so fucking sorry, I love you, please?" Tyler spoke into Josh's hair. "Please say you don't hate me. Not really, inside, please?" 

//I hate you I love you  
I hate that I love you  
Don't want to, but I can't put  
Nobody else above you  
I hate you I love you  
I hate that I want you//

"Why did you come?" Josh asked once they were sat down. Tyler had made them both a coffee and calmed Josh down. He always knew what do in a situation like this. "Dan called and said you had text him asking about me. I wanted to come and talk to you myself." Josh nodded. None of this made sense. Josh was broken. 

//How is it you'll never notice  
That you are slowly killing me//

"I was so scared Josh." Tyler said, looking at his coffee. "I wanted to marry you." Josh flicked his eyes up, wondering if he heard right. "But you know what my family are like, they hated me being gay-" Tyler went on, meeting Josh's gaze. "-I had to chose and I made the wrong choice."

//Wedding bells were just alarms  
Caution tape around my heart//

"I told them." Tyler said, taking Josh's hand, "I told them last month that I fucked up, I'm living a lie and I love you-"  
"What about your girlfriend?" Josh asked, his voice bitter. He had a headache. Tyler laughed a sad laugh "that finished when she found out-" he said. "Found out what?" Josh asked, willing himself not to care. But he did. "My journal, I had everything in there. I wrote songs and pages of words.."

Tyler squeezed Josh's hand and Josh realised how much Tyler was shaking. Josh squeezed back. "..all for you Josh. So many words for you." Tyler stared to cry and Josh's heart broke. "She found it all and wanted to know who 'Josh' was. I told her" he finished, wiping his face. 

//"If u wanted me you should've just said so  
And if I were you, I would never let me go"//

Josh spoke softly, carefully. Tyler met his eyes and leaned forward. Their lips pressed together, not really kiss but the contact they both needed so bad. "I won't ever let you go." Tyler whispered against Josh's skin. "Please just give me a chance?" Josh nodded, his forehead pressing against Tyler's, their hands held. "You broke me Ty." Josh said quietly and Tyler let out a small sob. "But you're the only one who can ever fix me again."

//Friends can break your heart too, and  
I'm always tired but never of you//


	2. Bright Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to do another song fic explaining Tyler's side. 
> 
> Bright Eyes- First Day of my Life is the song. It's a really great song. 
> 
> https://youtu.be/xUBYzpCNQ1I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a sucker for lyrics in fics. 
> 
> Just to explain the lyrics are Tyler's letters. 
> 
> Let me know what you think :)

Tyler smiled at his parents, his hand clasped tight around Marie's. They looked so proud. Marie was telling a story, the one about how Tyler put a pair of red socks into a white wash and dyed everything a dull pink. Tyler laughed when everyone else did. He wanted to scream and pull at his hair. 

•

That night Tyler cried again. Hunched over his tattered notebook, his pen forming shaky, messy words. Tyler thought of cotton candy hair, standing out amongst the crowd. He couldn't remember who introduced them that night, but he knew pink will always be his favourite. 'For Josh' he wrote, eyes lingering on the name, fingertips tracing over the ink. 

//Yours was the first face that I saw  
I think I was blind before I met you//

Marie made breakfast, edging around Tyler and his dark mood. "You were up late-" she finally said and Tyler couldn't bring himself to look at her. She deserved better, he knew it. Someone who loved her, who would look at her like Tyler looked at Josh. Tyler had wasted almost a year of her life. A year of his life. They both left for work in silence. 

•

"We're not saying we would disown you Tyler!" His mum told him that day. "We're just saying.." She paused, thinking, choosing her words. "This phase has gone on long enough." His dad finished for her. "Time to settle down.. Or you'll lose your family." He looked at Tyler with a stern face and Tyler cried. The next day he met Marie. It was just by chance but Tyler could see it in her eyes that he wouldn't have to work hard for her. He didn't mean it to get out of hand, Tyler thought he could lie, show her off to his parents, act like he loved her, all while living with and keeping his perfect life with Josh. His parents loved her, loved their straight son, Tyler was trapped in a web of lies that was suffocating him. 

His mum would show him wedding magazines "I know it's early days" she would smile and Tyler would lightly touch the glossy pictures. That should be me and Josh, he never told her. 

•

It was late again. Tyler looked at the page and sighed. Who was he kidding? He had filled the book with letters to Josh, poured his heart out, never to send. He even brought postage stamps and tucked into the back page for when he finally got it right. He never got it right. Nothing was ever good enough, nothing could ever explain just how fucked up Tyler felt, how sorry he was, how he hated his family, he hated living a lie. How much he missed the only person he'd ever loved. Lost him for good. Tyler couldn't bring himself to tell Josh about his parents. Josh's parents were loving and accepting, he wouldn't understand, he had to tell him that he fell in love with Marie. He broke the only heart he ever wanted. 

Tyler closed his eyes and saw Josh's face after he had told him about Marie. He opened his eyes, again, looking at the sky and willing himself to forget the way Josh's face fell and the tears that spilled. 

 

//I don't know where I am, I don't know where I've been  
But I know where I want to go//

Tyler threw his pen down. The night was warm and Tyler couldn't rest. He tapped his foot trying to think. "What are you doing?" Marie came out, the porch light flickering to life. "Just watching the stars." He answered. Josh loves the stars, he didn't say, instead, he tucked his book under his thigh and stared upwards. Tyler hoped Josh was looking at the stars too. 

•

Days passed. Tyler didn't sleep, his eyes stung against the light. He stayed out of Marie's way, not wanting to talk to her, or anyone else. He kept writing his letter to Josh every night, Marie watching him from the window. 

•

"You're sick!!" Marie shouted, throwing clothes into a case. Tyler didn't blame her for shouting. "You fucking lier!" Tyler looked at the shredded paper all over their bedroom floor. All those words, lost. The door slammed and Tyler picked up his phone and called his dad's number. 

// And so I'd thought I'd let you know  
That these things take forever, I especially am slow //

 

Tyler hung up the phone, refusing to cry. No, he'd had enough of sadness. He was proud. "I'm finding Josh and telling him I love him." He had said clearly. "I'm going to beg him to forgive me... for what you made me do." 

That day, Tyler phoned a few friends, who said they hadn't heard from Josh since the break up. All Tyler knew was that he had taken it bad, really bad and that he is still living in the same apartment that Tyler once shared with him. Tyler picked up his phone again and went to Josh's number. He didn't want to call out of the blue, by the sounds of it, Josh wouldn't want to talk to him. 

Tyler put his phone down on the table. He needed to think. 

// But I realised that need you  
And I wondered if I could come home //

 

Tyler picked up what was left of his journal. He should've hidden it better he thought. Tyler found a piece of paper on his pillow, it must've landed there as Marie tore into the book. He picked it up, only one word was visible 'Josh'. Tyler slipped the shred of paper into his pocket. 

•

It was late. Tyler was reading what was saved from his journal, tears falling onto the crumpled paper. Tyler grabbed his phone without thinking. 

"Hello?" Tyler closed his mouth, trying not to breathe, trying not to move. Josh's voice was sleepy, quiet and Tyler knew he had woken him. "Hello?" He spoke louder this time and Tyler let out a shaky breathe. "Josh-" he whispered into his phone. 

// I'm glad I didn't die before I met you //

"No." Josh sounded hurt and Tyler wanted to make it better, he just didn't know how. "Josh, I've missed you so much-" he found himself saying before the line went dead Tyler stared at his phone. He pressed call and listened to the ringing on the other end. Josh was Ignoring him. Tyler knew he deserved it. 

Tyler called another three times, the last time he decided to leave a voicemail. He spilled his heart, telling Josh how much he missed him. He fell into a restless sleep a few hours later. He woke up thinking of stars and faded hair dye. 

•

The next day Tyler's phone rang. He jumped to answer but it wasn't Josh. "Hey, you never guess who's asking about you?" Dan said straight away. Tyler swallowed. "Who?" He knew the answer. "Josh. He text asking if you're okay and what's going on" dan said. Tyler felt hopeful that this meant Josh still cared "what shall I say?"  
"Nothing." Tyler answered. 

•

The air was knocked out of Tyler's lungs as he set eyes on Josh. He was beautiful. Tyler let himself in, scared Josh would shut the door in his face. "We need to talk." Tyler told him once Josh had shut the door. Tyler was scared, fighting back tears. He looked at Josh and couldn't read his expression. He had red hair, Tyler liked it. Josh opened his mouth "No we don't Tyler." He was crying now and so was Tyler. Please just hold me, Tyler stopped himself from saying. 

Tyler was trembling, all over, his eyes wide, his heart ached. "I hate you." The words hung in the air between them and Tyler knew he deserved it. "Josh please just listen to me, I'm sorry, I never meant-" Tyler tried, wiping away tears. He just needed Josh to hear him, but he was shouting again, and Tyler knew he had ruined everything. Josh's voice tailed off as he cried and Tyler couldn't stand it. 

// So if you wanna be with me  
With these things there's no telling  
We just have to wait and see //

He pulled Josh into his arms, holding him tight, letting Josh surround him. "Josh you're so special to me. I'm sorry, so fucking sorry, I love you, please?" Tyler spoke into Josh's hair. "Please say you don't hate me. Not really, inside, please?" Tyler felt Josh relax into him and he rested his cheek on the top of Josh's head. It was then Tyler knew that Josh didn't hate him. 

Josh had relaxed and had stopped crying once Tyler made him sit down and have a drink. Tyler sat next to him, thinking he was the luckiest man alive to even be sat on the same couch as Josh. 

Tyler's hands were enveloped in Josh's, stopping them from shaking. Tyler leaned forward, pressing his lips against Josh's. Josh's lips were chapped and rough, Tyler knew he had been biting them, Josh always had a bad habit of chewing his bottom lip. but in that moment, nothing ever felt so perfect. Tyler savoured the feel, closing his eyes, his hands held in Josh's. Tyler never wanted to leave this moment, so perfect, so safe, just him and Josh. Tyler moved to speak, resting his forehead on Josh's. Their lips ghosting against each other. 

"I won't ever let you go." Tyler whispered against Josh's skin. "Please just give me a chance?" "You broke me Ty." Josh said quietly and Tyler wanted to kiss away the pain. Make it better somehow. Tyler closed his eyes. "But you're the only one who can ever fix me again." He heard Josh whisper. Tyler nodded against Josh, his eyes opening "I will," he promised "and you will fix me too." Tyler pressed forward again, his lips capturing Josh's. He pressed kisses over Josh's face, kissing away the tears that fell. They fell asleep on the couch, Tyler laying on top of Josh, the perfect tangle of arms and legs. For the first time in forever, Tyler slept peacefully. 

// But now I don't care, I could go anywhere with you  
And I'd probably be happy //


End file.
